Dealing With Anger At Work

It's not a matter of whether feeling angry is good or bad. It is a matter of whether reacting to that anger brings you any benefits, and if not, finding a way to deal with anger in a better way.

Let me tell you about a time when, not knowing a better way of dealing with anger at work, I reacted on my anger...

It was a busy day at work, one of those in which everything would ideally run smoothly. But one critical piece of equipment on my computer was giving problems, as it did occasionally.

I approached my superviser, who was sitting at the reception desk. I told her that the piece of equipment was not working, and before I could inform her that I was going to sit at a different desk, she pointed, 'It seems it's always you who has this particular problem with that piece of equipment - nobody else does'.

I replied, slightly irritated, 'It's not 'me' who has this problem - it's whoever sits at the desk I'm sitting, since the problem is the piece of equipment on the computer. What happens is that it's me who normally sits there.'

'Well, then you shouldn't sit there, if you know there is a problem with that computer', she replied impatiently. I started to feel angry. 'There isn't always a problem, only sometimes. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to sit at a different desk', I replied while trying hard to keep calm.

'Then why didn't you do that in the first place?', she asked in a demanding tone.

At that point I lost my temper and I said to her, in a louder voice, 'Look, I'm tired of this unsupportive environment, I've had enough of it and I'm this close to just walk out'. She also raised her voice as she said 'Don't talk to me in that tone. If you've got a problem with your computer, you should sort it. I will speak to our manager about the way you have spoken to me today'.

Feeling very angry and frustrated, I walked away.

All that this episode brought me was two meetings of one and a half hours each, to discuss what had happened. I could have saved myself those meetings and the tense interaction with my superviser if, rather than acting on my anger, I had dealt with it in a better way.

You have surely realized that reacting in anger will seldom bring you what you want, while at the same time may bring you undesired consequences.

Dealing with anger at work successfully involves separating the actual feeling you experience from the thoughts that feed it, as I explain in detail in my handbook 'From Conflict To Calm'.

A quick guide to dealing with anger at work

• As you notice yourself starting to feel angry, take a deep breath and acknowledge to yourself how you feel.

• Remembering that if you choose to react in anger you're likely to have unpleasant consequences, make a conscious decision to NOT give in to the anger. Give instead a chance for something different to happen.

• Keep focused on your breathing for as long as you must stay with the circumstances - i.e. if you're in the middle of a meeting you may just not be able to leave.

• Once you're alone, take the time to feel the tension in your body that the feeling of anger has produced. Don't add thought on to it - simply feel how anger feels in your body. You will find that the actual energy of anger starts to subside after you've welcomed it.

• Deal with the thoughts separately, or put your attention on to something else altogether. Find specific ways to deal with the thoughts that cause anger in my handbook 'From Conflict To Calm'.

You can also put these steps in practice by taking some time alone and remembering a situation in which you experienced anger at work.

In this way, you 'get some practice' for dealing with anger at work, so to speak, and you are better able to handle your anger when it does come up at the workplace.

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