"I Have Problems With My Boss"

I felt singled out. I felt controlled when I was told off for arriving two minutes late after my lunch break (and I was made to make up for the time). I felt caged and furious when my boss 'suggested' that I seemed to go to the toilet to avoid work.

And of course, none of this had an easy solution. It's not like HR is your big dad or mom and will tell your boss to stop doing what she's doing (HR, among other things, are not there to help you, but to help the organization). You've got to find your own way about it all.

I wasn't the only one chanting the mantra "I have problems with my boss". Most of my work colleagues expressed their dissatisfaction as well. And I have found that this is a most common problem across jobs.

"Why do I have problems with my boss?"

As I have found, when you have conflict with someone senior at the work place it's usually because of each person's personalities and their own complexes, which are not personal but each of us carries them as our personal 'baggage' or 'rubbish'.

What then happens is that these two people have a pattern of complexes that 'fit' each other, and therefore 'problems' arise, manifesting those complexes.

For instance, in the case of my boss and I, she carried a pattern of needing to be in control, and I carried a pattern of reacting heavily against feeling controlled. She played the 'parent' part in which she watched over my every move, and I played the 'child' part in which I rebelled or felt powerless in alternating cycles.

Here are some of the patterns that may be triggered between both parts when you have problems with your boss:

• Perfectionist / Messy

• Blamer / Victim

• Manipulator / Pleaser

• Intimidating / Submissive

• Control freak / Freedom seeker

"How can I stop having problems with my boss?"

In my case it took me around 3 years to be able to start seeing the light. I had to go through the most common emotions, like anger and depression, to find a way to move forward which didn't imply quitting my job.

In essence, the growth that I went through brought me to a point of awareness: awareness of my own patterns, of my boss' patterns, of how I was investing energy into the conflict and thus perpetuating it, and of the next step for me (I tell you all about it in my handbook "From Conflict To Calm"). At the time of writing I feel I have no more problems with my boss.

Now, the fact that I don't have any more problems with my boss doesn't mean that she stopped doing what she used to do. She still pays attention to small things and will tell me (and others) off for a one-off incident or for something really tiny, like taking two extra minutes in doing a specific task.

However, the process of learning that I went through means that I am now able to not take to heart all those little things. They feel mildly irritating or even amusing at times, but I choose to look at them with distance and laugh at it all, rather than allowing them to bring me down.

If you find yourself thinking, feeling or saying "I have problems with my boss" most often than not, then I believe that you will benefit from reading my handbook, "From Conflict To Calm".

In my handbook I break down the most common emotions you may be experiencing because of the problems with your boss, and I give you practical steps that you can take to terminate the conflict (and stop feeling bad) altogether.

You too can stop feeling powerless and regain command of your own emotions, regardless what your boss does. Find out more about "From Conflict To Calm" by following this link.

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