"I have problems with my boss", I used to reply when my friends asked me why I was so unhappy at my job.
I felt singled out. I felt controlled and powerless when I was told off for arriving two minutes late after my lunch break (and I was made to make up the time). I felt caged and furious when my boss suggested that I seemed to go to the toilet to avoid work.
And of course, none of this had an easy solution. It's not like HR is your big dad and will tell your boss to stop doing what they're doing (HR, among other things, are not there to help you, but to help the organization).
I wasn't the only one chanting the mantra "I have problems with my boss". Most of my work colleagues expressed their dissatisfaction as well. And I have found that this is a most common problem across jobs.
As I discovered, when you have conflict with someone at the work place it's usually because of each person's personalities and complexes, which each of us carries as our personal 'baggage' or 'rubbish'.
Usually, two people in conflict have patterns of complexes that 'fit' each other, and therefore problems arise as a manifestation of those complexes.
For instance, my boss carried a pattern of needing to be in control, and I carried a pattern of reacting heavily against feeling controlled. She played the 'parent' part in which she watched over my every move, and I played the 'child' part in which I rebelled and felt powerless in alternating cycles.
Here are some of the patterns that may be triggered between both parts when you have problems with your boss:
It took me around 3 years to be able to start seeing an end to the conflict with my boss. I had to go through the most common emotions, like anger and depression, to find a way to move forward which didn't imply quitting my job.
The growth that I went through brought me to a point of awareness: awareness of my own patterns, of my boss' patterns, of how I was investing energy into the conflict and thus perpetuating it, and of the next step needed (I tell you all about it in my handbook 'From Conflict To Calm').
At the time of writing I feel I have no more problems with my boss. Now, that doesn't mean that she changed her behaviour altogether. She did change a lot, but she also still pays attention to small things and will tell me (and others) off for a one-off incident or for something really tiny, like taking a few extra minutes in doing a specific task.
However, I am now able to not take to anything she says or does. I choose to look at our interactions with a certain distance and an attitude of presence - that is all you need to end the conflict with your boss.
If you find yourself thinking, feeling or saying "I have problems with my boss" most often than not, then I believe that you will benefit from reading my handbook, 'From Conflict To Calm'.
In my handbook I break down the most common emotions you may be experiencing because of the problems with your boss, and I give you the practical steps that you can take to terminate the conflict altogether.
You too can stop feeling powerless and regain peace, regardless what your boss says or does. Find out more about 'From Conflict To Calm' by following this link, and buy it now using the button below.
"I don't think avoiding conflict is not caring."